It’s all an inside job, but it doesn’t all have to be hard.
Starting can be easy!
If you’ve been in my energy for any length of time, you’ve probably seen or heard me talk about how identity work is an inside job. It’s not always glamorous, but is super fucking transformational.
I often talk about the hard inner work it takes to discover who you really are and build the life of your dreams from that truth.
I’m constantly conflicted between talking about the hard inner work, and fighting to remove every remnant of language that creates the idea that identity work is difficult. I don’t want to deter people from doing identity work, obviously, but the fact of the matter is that this work is a roller coaster of awesomeness which means there are both ups AND downs and those downs can be very difficult — sharing this means I get to work with people who are serious about discovering who they are, what they want, and how to get it.
Haha, it looks like I’m talking more about how hard this work is when I should be talking about how easy it is for you to start… now… today!
Knowing where to start is super easy and so is exploring and assessing just a few core parts of your being.
None of the following things define you, but so many amazing insights lay just beneath the surface!
Personality tests, enneagrams, assessments, instruments, whatever the hell you want to call them, can be beneficial in learning more about who you are!
I don’t want you to get wrapped up in the results, but to instead think of the results as an insight into yourself that you didn’t have before. Also, look within and ask yourself if the results match up or if they feel completely off. I’m a firm believer that everything you experience can be of benefit to you, even something as simple (or “scientific”) as a personality test, but it’s not the almighty definitive opinion (you heard me) on who you are.
So many people use the results of personality tests to get to know OTHER people better, to find a common connection in their results, to think they know someone and understand who that person is. I see this every fucking day — no joke.
Instead, you should be using them to gain insight into who you are.
I want you to venture into the world of personality tests… start with the legit ones first and leave BuzzFeed for Facebook shares. (I don’t know about you, but I’m not sure how much you can really tell from a person by the type of ice cream they like. :P) Look at each response and ask yourself, “Do these results provide me insight into understanding myself better?” Of so, rock on! If not, don’t just toss the results out — hang on to them for a later time.
I’m willing to bet you’re going to find all kinds of amazing insights to consider.
Beliefs and values are a touchy subject and there are often conversations about which one comes first, if they can change, what they mean, etc. So, I’m going to just say it! Values rarely change, especially your core values. Core values are ones that have liekly been with you your entire life — even if you don’t realize it. Now, that’s not to say they never change, but there’s usually a massive internal shift if they do.
Think about what you value in life…
Do you value freedom, authenticity, or honesty? What are the primary values you live your life by, use to make decisions, and believe are worth fighting for?
And no, I’m not talking about human rights. However, the freedom of choice might be a value.
I’m a huge rebel! So, the freedom of choice is a value of mine, but even that value really just goes back to freedom. I value authenticity, not as a buzzword, but as a way of life. I BELIEVE that life isn’t worth living if you aren’t being or can’t be authentic. I also value honesty, and I don’t BELIEVE you can have trust without honesty. These beliefs might change, but the underlying values won’t — they are core values that I’ve lived by for as long as I can remember.
The values conversation is MASSIVE and I haven’t even scratched the surface at this point, lol…
But I think I’ve covered enough to get you started. 😉
Beliefs can either move you forward or hold you back and the ones that hold you back aren’t really beliefs, but blocks in disguise.
When I was young, I got the impression that anything worth having requires hard work and sacrifice. As I grew older, especially when starting my business, I thought that if something was easy it must not be worth much.
This belief held me back and it took me quite a bit of time to realize all of the amazing things I wasn’t putting out into the world simply because I thought everything had to be so fucking difficult.
I also have another belief and it’s one of the most serving beliefs in my life, not just to me, but to others as well… and it warrants another block quote!
I believe that anyone can do anything. I don’t care who you are, where you’re from, what you have, or how hard of a life you’ve had… you can be and do anything you want.
As someone who was raised by a single mother, with two parents that battled addiction, was abused in more ways than one, homeless, a teen parent, and had little to no formal education past 6th grade and still grew up to make something of themselves and have a successful life… I believe the above statement is true.
Beliefs are often based off of your life experiences — anything that has come into your
Both positive and negative beliefs can be changed and identifying all of your beliefs will help you see what ones are serving you or holding you back. Then, you can assess each one to determine which ones you want to take with you as you move forward.
This is almost a no-brainer, but seeking out your opinion of various topics will allow you to get to know yourself even better.
The gold is in discovering your opinions on totally new topics and talking to others about their opinions.
This helps you strengthen your opinion either for or against something…
You’ve gotta get outside of your own world and constantly be seeking to expand your awareness and in doing this you learn more about your opinions on different topics.
I don’t even think there’s anything more that I want to tell you about opinions right now, just get out there and start exploring!
Ah, style… often confused with fashion, but totally not the same thing.
When I talk to my clients about their style they often have an idea of what they like, but then tell me that they aren’t buying things they really love.
Usually, they have Pinterest boards, wishlists, or bookmarks full of the items they totally dig, but for one reason or another haven’t purchased.
Whether you’re in the same boat or not, take a look at the things you really dig and put them all in ONE category.
Don’t think about being judged, or what your parents might say, or even what your manager might think if they knew your true style. Fuck it!
Think about who you want to be, what you love, and what you want to fill your life with. Build your style!
Even though this might seem like a small thing, it’s such a huge part of stepping into your truth. 🙂
The topic of interests may seem like the easiest thing on the list, and in many ways… it is!
I mean, you can probably list off at least a few things you’re interested in, right?
Discovering your interests can be difficult if you haven’t ventured out into the world and tried new things or if you aren’t affirming your interest in the things you enjoy because you don’t think they’d be received well by others.
Either way, taking time to discover your interests and affirming them, to at least yourself if no one else, is a huge step in the right direction when it comes to getting to know yourself better…
And like I said before, it’s probably one of the easiest things you can do!
The tricky thing about your passions is that it’s easy to look at the passion itself instead of what the passion means to you.
It’s imperative that you figure out the meanings that lay within your passions. In these meanings, you’ll find unifying traits and this is where the true passion is hidden.
For example: If you came to me and told me, with great passion, that you love to knit I can either 1) accept that you have a passion for knitting or 2) get curious about why you are so passionate about knitting. One action might lead us down a path of creating a life and business filled with knitting, which might not be right for you, and the other might lead us on an adventure to uncover why you love knitting so much…
And here’s the thing, maybe you love knitting because of the calm creativity you’re able to express, the freedom to start knitting and create something amazing even though you didn’t have a plan when you started, or maybe you love making things with your hands.
This is all right under the surface of your passion for knitting and there’s even more to discover! Hell, maybe it’s really about your grandma who knitted you this amazing blanket when you were born and the comfort and connection that came from that expression of love. Maybe you want to recreate that in the lives of others and you don’t even know it yet! It would be more beneficial to build a business and brand from that than from, “I love to knit.”
So, take time to discover your passions and then to dissect them and figure out why you love them so much!
This one might seem a little strange to some, but when you take a moment to assess your boundaries, and question if they are healthy and supportive, you’ll start to uncover even more stuff that’ll get you closer to knowing who you are and who you’d like to become.
Look at your boundaries! Are they healthy — bringing you calmness and joy — or are they toxic?
Do your boundaries allow people and situations to give you stress and anxiety? Do they cause you pain and wear you down? Do they constantly get you into the same old shit? Take a look and be honest with yourself regarding what you discover.
Don’t forget to love yourself throughout this process — it isn’t an easy one!
Similar in difficulty to boundaries, but non-negotiables are generally created from the aftermath of discovery all that which is NOT serving you.
Non-negotiables are things you will NOT be budged on. Non-negotiables are not just a tool for you to vet out people and situations that don’t jive with the life you desire. No, no, no! You can’t hold anyone to a non-negotiable that you aren’t willing to hold yourself to.
Non-negotiables help you find similar people on similar paths… They help you create a foundational basis for deciding if something or someone is right for you, but they aren’t the end all. 😉
Once you discover your non-negotiables, you’ll use them as a starting point for everything! That’s right, almost nothing makes it into your life without passing all of your listed non-negotiables.
To get started, pick 5 (pop any questions you have into the comments box below)!
Blocks are easily one of the most important items on the list! Blocks are woven into ALL of the items above and regardless of what you discover in all the other categories… you’ll have a difficult time moving forward if you don’t take the time to explore your blocks.
Blocks are what’s holding you back… they are the reasons you can’t, shouldn’t or even won’t achieve what you’re after. They are beliefs, memories, emotions, upbringings, and little whispers that echo through your head. They are your negative thoughts, they are every wrong compiled into one big pile of unworthiness, they are destroyers.
I could probably write an entire post on all of the icky things that are blocks, but the interesting thing is that even positive things can be blocks in disguise!
For example, maybe you’re a stay at home mom and you’ve got dreams, but you sacrifice those dreams to stay at home and raise your children. Hell, that’s a pretty admirable thing, right? There’s nothing wrong with being an awesome mamma of two under two, right?
While it’s true, there isn’t anything wrong with it necessarily… it’s really up to you to decide…
And if you’ve decided to give up on your hopes and dreams to instead raise children… what are you teaching your children about following their dreams?
So, even if you journal it out for like an hour and the majority of what you’ve written seems legit and positive — think about how it makes you feel and if you’re hiding or sacrificing what you really want.
This part usually digs up all kinds of shit, so be kind with yourself throughout the process. <3
This process is the beginning of something amazing, but the next step is my new program Assess That Shit!, download the [content_upgrade id=2945]Life Assessment Checklist![/content_upgrade] to get started!